Beta #3 was 1690, for a doubling time of 1.36 days. Now we just have to see the heartbeat, and all will likely be well!
Ultrasound is scheduled for Wednesday, February 6th.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Friday, January 25, 2008
Anxiety
I'm waiting for the nanny to get here so that I can leave for my second beta, and I'm nothing but a big tangled ball of nerves.
I am so nervous that this isn't going to work out. I feel as unpregnant as it is possible to feel -- not even sore boobs. All of these started very early for me the last time, although I was both carrying twins and on PIO last time. I felt nauseated on the way to my first beta, and do again this morning, but I am quite sure that is just anxiety. Worst of all, I have had some fairly aggressive cramping, and only on one side.
I know all of the above is perfectly normal in very early pregnancy, and that it's natural to worry about it as well. However, to a certain extent I am waiting for that other shoe to drop. I got pregnant, well, easily enough, and without any serious intervention -- I haven't "paid my dues" this time. Surely there is some bad juju out there somewhere with my name on it.
Beta will probably be back at some point around 1 PM CST. Three more hours or so, and I'll know.
I am so nervous that this isn't going to work out. I feel as unpregnant as it is possible to feel -- not even sore boobs. All of these started very early for me the last time, although I was both carrying twins and on PIO last time. I felt nauseated on the way to my first beta, and do again this morning, but I am quite sure that is just anxiety. Worst of all, I have had some fairly aggressive cramping, and only on one side.
I know all of the above is perfectly normal in very early pregnancy, and that it's natural to worry about it as well. However, to a certain extent I am waiting for that other shoe to drop. I got pregnant, well, easily enough, and without any serious intervention -- I haven't "paid my dues" this time. Surely there is some bad juju out there somewhere with my name on it.
Beta will probably be back at some point around 1 PM CST. Three more hours or so, and I'll know.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Crow! Nom nom nom
Um, yeah. About that anovulatory cycle thing:
Beta was 83.7. No idea what DPO exactly I am, because I never had a positive OPK, but presumably fairly early based on the CD 15 ultrasound. We'll repeat the beta Friday and Monday to check for appropriate doubling.
Ho. Ly. Shit.
(Sorry for bad blurry photo, taken from my iPhone in the car with some VERY shaky hands.)
Beta was 83.7. No idea what DPO exactly I am, because I never had a positive OPK, but presumably fairly early based on the CD 15 ultrasound. We'll repeat the beta Friday and Monday to check for appropriate doubling.
Ho. Ly. Shit.
(Sorry for bad blurry photo, taken from my iPhone in the car with some VERY shaky hands.)
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Size matters
In a new but not wholly unexpected development, Claire has now mastered the art of taking her shirt and pants off. I discovered this in the usual way, which is to say that I went upstairs to fetch them in the morning and found a bare-ass-naked baby sleeping soundly on top of a very wet bed.
At that point, our pajama stash consisted of four zip-up footed sleepers and six two-piece combos (one of which snapped together). I've shifted Claire into the zip-up sleepers and am putting Katherine in the two-pieces, since the latter hasn't shown much inclination to strip them off yet. However, they're about to outgrow a couple of those pairs anyway, so I went in search of more PJs.
On previous shopping trips, I'd already noted that 18M is the Worst. Size. Ever. There is a great void between the infant stuff, which stops at 12M, and the toddler stuff which begins at 2T. Of course, this is even worse if you're looking for footed sleepers, especially those which don't involve licensed characters of one sort or another.
I have now scoured BRU, TRU, three department stores, and TJ Maxx, and turned up exactly four sleepers. I was tremendously pleased with myself when I brought them home on Friday, until Claire proceeded to go through three of them in a ten-minute timespan. (She has a cold, and is spitting up a bit from snot accumulation.)
Why oh why is 18M so hard a size to find? There's a plethora of options in 12M, and a large assortment in 2T. Do the manufacturers think little girls somehow magically shift straight from one to the other?
At that point, our pajama stash consisted of four zip-up footed sleepers and six two-piece combos (one of which snapped together). I've shifted Claire into the zip-up sleepers and am putting Katherine in the two-pieces, since the latter hasn't shown much inclination to strip them off yet. However, they're about to outgrow a couple of those pairs anyway, so I went in search of more PJs.
On previous shopping trips, I'd already noted that 18M is the Worst. Size. Ever. There is a great void between the infant stuff, which stops at 12M, and the toddler stuff which begins at 2T. Of course, this is even worse if you're looking for footed sleepers, especially those which don't involve licensed characters of one sort or another.
I have now scoured BRU, TRU, three department stores, and TJ Maxx, and turned up exactly four sleepers. I was tremendously pleased with myself when I brought them home on Friday, until Claire proceeded to go through three of them in a ten-minute timespan. (She has a cold, and is spitting up a bit from snot accumulation.)
Why oh why is 18M so hard a size to find? There's a plethora of options in 12M, and a large assortment in 2T. Do the manufacturers think little girls somehow magically shift straight from one to the other?
Friday, January 18, 2008
Baby love
An interesting development has occurred here in the last week: the girls have discovered baby dolls.
Nana and Pop gave them a set of "newborn twins" baby dolls for Christmas. I was somewhat skeptical they'd get the idea, and initially, they showed no interest at all. However, all of a sudden, the baby dolls became favored toys. Katherine has just spent the last hour bringing me her "bah-bah" and its hat. I have to put the hat on the baby, and pantomime feeding and burping and rocking the baby, and then she wants to take it back to do the same. Claire, meanwhile, tries to feed the baby a sippy cup of milk. Both of them love to hold it and kiss its head.
I find it fascinating that they recognize it as a baby, and that they try to feed it and love it. It really seems to be innate -- I didn't show them how to play with the baby doll, or encourage any interest in it.
One odd thing: when I pretend to feed the baby, I put it to my breast. After all, that's how I fed Claire and Katherine, and will hopefully feed any future babies. I'm a big proponent of breastfeeding, and will strongly encourage them to nurse when they grow up and have babies of their own. So why does it weird me out to fake-nurse a baby doll?
Nana and Pop gave them a set of "newborn twins" baby dolls for Christmas. I was somewhat skeptical they'd get the idea, and initially, they showed no interest at all. However, all of a sudden, the baby dolls became favored toys. Katherine has just spent the last hour bringing me her "bah-bah" and its hat. I have to put the hat on the baby, and pantomime feeding and burping and rocking the baby, and then she wants to take it back to do the same. Claire, meanwhile, tries to feed the baby a sippy cup of milk. Both of them love to hold it and kiss its head.
I find it fascinating that they recognize it as a baby, and that they try to feed it and love it. It really seems to be innate -- I didn't show them how to play with the baby doll, or encourage any interest in it.
One odd thing: when I pretend to feed the baby, I put it to my breast. After all, that's how I fed Claire and Katherine, and will hopefully feed any future babies. I'm a big proponent of breastfeeding, and will strongly encourage them to nurse when they grow up and have babies of their own. So why does it weird me out to fake-nurse a baby doll?
Thursday, January 17, 2008
And this is how much cheaper than treatment, again?
CD 24 today, and still no sign of impending ovulation. I have exhausted the remnants of a 20-pack of el cheapo OPKs, a 6-pack of regular Clearblue OPKs (the package was short a stick), and I've put a good dent into the 7-pack of Clearblue Digital OPKs. I do quite like the digital ones, but wow, the cost is out of sight. I paid $34 for them at a local Walgreens, and then shelled out for the regular Clearblues as well.
I did, however, throw in the towel and buy a Clearblue Fertility Monitor off eBay. I got a fantastic deal on it, though, so it will actually amortize itself somewhat, given the number of OPKs I seem to go through. Yeah, I know you have to buy sticks for it too, but I'm buying those anyway, so it's just spreading the monitor cost out over the months. Besides, who knows? Maybe the Perversity Goddess will take this one as a suitable offering.
I'm going to ask my mom about another US, but I suspect she'll say it's not even worth fooling with at this point. The only thing it'll tell us is whether the follicle grew at all, and that's kind of a moot point. If a few more days' worth of sticks don't show anything, it's probably time to take Provera and put the squash on this cycle.
G is still waffling about the Clomid, which I kind of don't get. The fundamental disconnect here is that he thinks it "might" happen normally, and that it's worth giving it a little time, when the alternative is a somewhat increased risk of multiples. I suppose it might, but I think the weight of the evidence swings the other way. This is my fifth post-nursing cycle, and while we know I've ovulated for sure on some of them, and probably done a reasonable facsimile on others, I'm not doing so within the proper horizon for a successful pregnancy. Moreover, it seems to be worsening, rather than improving.
To me, it's so obvious: you have a history of problems, you currently have demonstrable problems, you stop hoping for rainbows and puppies and just do what it takes to fix the problem. Sure, there's a chance it might resolve spontaneously, but there's also a certainty that you will stress about it until it does. I don't see the point of waiting another couple cycles "just to be sure". If you know you're going to go there eventually, and if your chances of a successful pregnancy in the interim are low, why wait?
I did, however, throw in the towel and buy a Clearblue Fertility Monitor off eBay. I got a fantastic deal on it, though, so it will actually amortize itself somewhat, given the number of OPKs I seem to go through. Yeah, I know you have to buy sticks for it too, but I'm buying those anyway, so it's just spreading the monitor cost out over the months. Besides, who knows? Maybe the Perversity Goddess will take this one as a suitable offering.
I'm going to ask my mom about another US, but I suspect she'll say it's not even worth fooling with at this point. The only thing it'll tell us is whether the follicle grew at all, and that's kind of a moot point. If a few more days' worth of sticks don't show anything, it's probably time to take Provera and put the squash on this cycle.
G is still waffling about the Clomid, which I kind of don't get. The fundamental disconnect here is that he thinks it "might" happen normally, and that it's worth giving it a little time, when the alternative is a somewhat increased risk of multiples. I suppose it might, but I think the weight of the evidence swings the other way. This is my fifth post-nursing cycle, and while we know I've ovulated for sure on some of them, and probably done a reasonable facsimile on others, I'm not doing so within the proper horizon for a successful pregnancy. Moreover, it seems to be worsening, rather than improving.
To me, it's so obvious: you have a history of problems, you currently have demonstrable problems, you stop hoping for rainbows and puppies and just do what it takes to fix the problem. Sure, there's a chance it might resolve spontaneously, but there's also a certainty that you will stress about it until it does. I don't see the point of waiting another couple cycles "just to be sure". If you know you're going to go there eventually, and if your chances of a successful pregnancy in the interim are low, why wait?
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
One-liners
- I'm so sad for Alexa today.
- CD 21, and not really any impending signs of ovulation. I'm not sure if I'm even going to see a delayed ovulation this month, or if the whole thing is just a wash.
- I'm unabashedly happy for Nico. When she announced her first pregnancy, I read the post on Christmas morning, after a particularly rough Midnight Mass the night before, and literally wailed out loud. This time, I'm just happy for her, though I'd like for it to happen for me too. Secondary IF is so much *saner*...
- Katherine is finally really walking! She took her first steps in November, but didn't ever move beyond that. On Christmas Eve, she was across the room, and stood up and walked over to me like she'd been doing it all her life. She's now walking most of the time, although she still knee-walks fairly frequently. I'll be so glad when that stops.
- 15-month checkup last week. Katherine is 23 lb 13 oz (50%), Claire 22 lb 13 oz (25%), but at 31" tall (50%), she is a full inch shorter than Claire (32"/75%).
- In retrospect, I just don't think Claire was a very good nurser. For the first six months of her life, we struggled to even keep her on the chart at all. Once she started on solids, she went from being itty-bitty to normal for her age. Milk supply wasn't a problem for me, rather the opposite, but I don't think she was very efficient about getting it.
- Talking is about to take off, I think. We have mama, dada, bye-bye, hi, and then several partial words -- "ba" for ball, "buh" for book, "baba" for button.
- I've got a full-time nanny starting next week. I'm somewhat more enthusiastic about this development than I was last time I mentioned it, but still a long way from thrilled. Some SAHM I turned out to be, huh?
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
Reassuming the position
Today is CD15, and since the OPKs have started to darken, I was optimistic that an ultrasound today might show us a maturing follicle.
As is usual, though, the optimism thing didn't work out too well. I have a beautiful lining, 9.65mm, but my only real follicle is 13mm, so it definitely looks like we're up for another long cycle.
I'm going to keep OPK-ing to see when a surge might happen. We may do another ultrasound then, or we may just do a P4 on 7DPO to verify ovulation. After that, and assuming this cycle isn't the one, the Clomid discussion will resume.
As is usual, though, the optimism thing didn't work out too well. I have a beautiful lining, 9.65mm, but my only real follicle is 13mm, so it definitely looks like we're up for another long cycle.
I'm going to keep OPK-ing to see when a surge might happen. We may do another ultrasound then, or we may just do a P4 on 7DPO to verify ovulation. After that, and assuming this cycle isn't the one, the Clomid discussion will resume.
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