I'm still trying to wrap my head around the whole endometriosis thing. Out of nowhere, I have a chronic disease that's going to have daily effects for the next ten or fifteen years, and all I can do is blink and say, "the hell? How did I get here?"
I have now had three relatively pain-free days in a row. Even the good days haven't been entirely good, I've still had some pain at here and there, but they've at least been good enough that I haven't had to take anything other than my usual handful of prescription-strength naproxen. It should illustrate the whole state of affairs, that three days of relative normalcy is noteworthy. Prior to that, the last week has included two days where I had to resort to narcotics, two other days where I made do with soaking in hot water, and daily cuddles with my rice bag heating pad.
(Some people make lemonade when life hands you lemons. Me, I sew up rice bag heating pads. If you can sew a straight seam, or have a friend who can, I highly recommend them. Take a 17 x 21 piece of 100% cotton fabric, fold it in half, sew it up on two sides, turn inside out, fill with 2 lbs of rice, and stitch up the remaining seam. Microwave for 2 minutes and it's a warm slice of heaven. Mine has a pretty cover with a zipper, but that's not essential for functionality.)
Anyway, so I've had a couple not-terrible days where I've almost felt like my old self, and it has really made a sharp contrast with the "new normal". I am hoping the feeling-good days are related to where I am in my cycle, because if that's so, at least I can expect a good week, maybe even two. If it's not, well, that's going to pretty much suck.
The reason I am trying to still make jokes about it is because I don't really have a choice. This isn't going to go away, at least not until menopause, although I have some hope that some treatments might help. I've decided against Lupron and Danazol, due to high failure rates and unpleasant side effects, but I'm going to try BCP. I want to make it to the six-month mark first, since I may well wind up having to wean Andrew. I'm going to ask for another ultrasound first -- I am deeply suspicious my left ovary's got some nastiness going on, which would push me toward surgery first. If not, I'll try BCP, and then another lap if things don't improve quickly.
I kept hoping we'd get this thing figured out, treat it, and be done, and I'm now having to come to grips with the fact that it won't happen that way. There's been a shift in the status quo, but it's taking me some time to make my peace with it.