When we came home from the hospital on 9/21, Andrew weighed 6 lb 10 oz, down from his birth weight of 7 lb 5 oz. Eleven days later, he weighs... 8 b 4 oz. That's a gain of more than two ounces a day. Nope, I don't think we have any milk supply issues!
I also went to the doctor today for a follow-up appointment. I'm feeling a small bit better, but still more crappy than not -- I'm still in worse shape than I was the day after the CS. The doctor said that the antibiotic I've been taking is the only one she really wants to prescribe a nursing mother, and that in her experience, uterine infections either get rapidly worse or slowly get better. Since I'm not getting a whole lot sicker, she thinks I'm going to improve, and it will just take some more time. I'm to come back in a week, and if I'm still fighting it, then we'll do bloodwork and a sonogram to check for abscesses.
I think that's a reasonable answer, on the merits, but it wasn't really what I wanted to hear. I know there's rarely such a thing as a magic pill, but... dammit, I wanted one. I'm so TIRED of struggling, and feeling rotten, and needing to wait just a little longer. I've spent FOUR MONTHS now trapped in my bedroom, and I am so sick of it and so desperate just to be able to get outside. I kept telling myself I had to hold on until the third trimester, until 32 weeks, until 34 weeks, until 37 weeks, until the baby was born. I really thought that once the baby was born, I'd be able to start leading a normal life again. When the infection started, I thought I'd go to the doctor and get antibiotics, and they'd start working. After a day or two, when I wasn't progressing, I thought I just had to hang on until today's appointment, and we'd try something different. Now, I have to hang on another week, and while a week isn't really a long time, I'm just flat out of patience.
I cried in the doctor's office, and she asked me if I felt like I had postpartum depression. I replied that there's nothing wrong with me that won't be fixed by getting healthy and being able to live like a normal person instead of an invalid. I *do* feel pretty freakin' depressed and disheartened right now, though. I don't need anti-depressants to fix it, though; a walk around the block, or a trip to the bookstore, would be all the medicine I need, if I just felt well enough to be able to do them. I hope that happens soon, I really do.
Thursday, October 02, 2008
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Hi Emma B., I'm feeling so sorry for you having the infection on top of everything you've been through these past months so I've decided to delurk to write you some fan mail.
I followed you here from your comments on HB Debate. I think I found HB Debate when I was deciding whether to have VBAC or ERCS for the mono-di twins I had this past January (NOT that I was considering having them at home! Egads!), and you had written some excellent stuff on the subject of CS vs vaginal delivery of twins. Eventually I decided on the ERCS, based on thinking through risks of VBAC, risks of twin deliveries, reminiscing pleasantly about my first CS, and the realization that gee, I don't have to have a VBAC just because I CAN (or because of ICAN).
I hope you feel great soon, and I'm looking forward to more of your thoughts on having a singleton after twins, as I've done the reverse. I'm sure you are going to find Andrew even more delightful once you're up and about. Infant twins and a two year old has been rough, but slowly improving.
So thank you for what you write here, and your contributions to HB Debate. I've become quite addicted to the arguing over there! I teach university courses in statistics & research design, and I'm still too intimidated to join in the fray.
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