It seems that last month's ovulatory cycle was not, in fact, a fluke.
After having my first spontaneous period ever, I tried really hard not to get my hopes up that it would happen again. I think that, for once, I actually did a pretty decent job of it. When two weeks came and went without any sign of ovarian activity, I ignored it (helped, no doubt, by regular doses of painkillers). As the third passed, I figured it wasn't going to happen this month, but sighed and went on with my life.
Of course, you can all guess that this is the part where my old friend the Perversity Goddess comes round for a visit. No sooner had I written it off than lo, came the EWCM, and I had to reassess. I ran out of OPKs somewhere along the line, and didn't want to ask my mom to buy me more (she's been doing all our grocery shopping), so I haven't been really tracking hard.
(And why I minded asking my mom for OPKs, when she was professionally involved in every part of our IUI cycle, I don't know. She drew my blood for my beta, chaperoned ultrasounds, and is fully aware that we're TTC, yet I didn't want to ask her to buy pee-sticks. I am a logician for the ages, sometimes.)
However, if I had to guess, I'd say the ovulation thing probably worked. If I'm lucky, I'll get to pee on another stick in two weeks (oh, who are we kidding, ten days max, if I can hold out that long). If I'm unbelievably, insanely lucky, it might even tell me something good, at which point I will go straight to the casinos while fortune favors the bold. After that, I think I'd probably have to turn in my official Registered Infertile card, but y'know, I'm okay with that.
I get to be normal. I get to try, just like a normal girl, without a single 18-gauge needle in the house, with Schrodinger's ovaries ticking along sight-unseen. And because I am not naive about this, I know that maybe I get to try, and try a couple times more, and then a year has gone by and we're making that phone call again.
That's okay, though. I won't like it, but it won't hurt me like the failure to cycle at all did, not for a while, and not ever quite the same desperate way. This time I get to get on the merry-go-round, and I'll worry about spinning in circles later.
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5 comments:
Good news! Glad you have some hopefully signs.
BTW, I live in a small town where I always bump into people I know and therefore didn't want to buy OPK's or HPT's in public. One word: drugstore.com.
Yay for cycles. And for the ability to get to try this the good old fashioned way this time around :-) I think we're on exactly the same page!
haha Schrodinger's ovaries. You funny girl! You make me laugh!
Good news! And I can understand why you wouldn't want your mom to buy you OPK's. It just makes sense to me.
Just wanted to stop by and say hi...found you through another blog as I am also the mommy to twin girls. Mine are 3 months tomorrow; IVF babies. It is so great to read what other twin mommies are going through. I just read your post about them being a year old before you know it. Right now, I'm in the "hurry up and grow up" phase but I know I'll soon wonder where the time went so I need to slow things down and savor the moments.
I'm also glad to see you guys are trying again! My feelings are still very mixed on a 3rd child but hopefully that will change in the coming months.
All the best to you!
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